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AstridHughes
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What is your love language? And your partner's?
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AstridHughes followed this discussion
When your love language is predominantly quality time, you tend to give your loved ones quality time. In your mind, you are showing your love for them. Quality time is important to you, and giving it to others just shows them how important they are to you. So, in your mind, their love tank should be full, right? Not necessarily. You are showing them your love language, but they might not speak that language. Their love tank is still empty. The only way to truly fill a person’s love tank is to speak their love language.
Why is it important to know each other's love languages in a relationship?
erin.hurley followed this discussion
This is harder than it sounds. It truly is like learning to speak another language. My husband’s primary love language is gifts. When I bring him home a present he lights up. This is a difficult language for me to speak, however, because to me, gifts are reserved for special occasions
"The five languages are pretty straightforward, but here’s a brief description of what each of them mean:
1. Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
2. Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
3. Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
4. Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
5. Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch."
When you know what your partner does and doesn’t care about, it’s a pretty big eye opener. For example, for years, I’ve been giving my significant other small gifts to show that I care. I put a lot of thought into those gifts, and I loved surprising him. It would piss me off when he’d receive them and just say, “Oh cool, thanks,” and then set it aside. That was not the reaction I wanted. By giving him a gift, I was saying, “I care about you,” and “oh cool, thanks,” is not a good reply to that. When I realized “gifting” wasn’t his love language at all, everything suddenly made a lot of sense, and I learned to show that I care in ways that speak to him. And conversely, when I do give gifts, he now understands that’s my way of saying I love you, and it means more to him now.
You can probably figure out what your language is by simply giving it a little thought, but here's a 30-question quiz you can take: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
When you realize what your partner does and doesn’t care about, you can empathize better. Your reasons for fighting make a little more sense.
One of the most common issues with love languages is projection. When our dominating love languages are lacking in attention, one of the common signs is projecting your love language onto your partner, in hopes they will reciprocate and fulfill your need for attention in that area. This commonly causes problems in partners that have differing love languages.
People identify with love languages because it helps you identify your needs in a relationship and also puts some sense around why partners misinterpret one another’s intentions.
The pragmatic approach is if your significant other see manifestations of love by receiving touch and spending quality time with you, you need to respond to those needs. The hardest part is when your languages of love is different. If you respond more by gifts and someone else by words. You are going to act in a way that is different than you used to.
It's a way to make them feel loved the way they like to be loved.
For my boyfriend and I, knowing our love languages has made a big difference! Before we each took the test we didn’t realize we were showing each other love in ways that weren’t the most effective
Understanding each other's love language can help to open up communication. When your SO is feeling low, you can apply her preferred love language to make her feel better. Things like that
"According to psychology therapist Psychotherapist Katherine Schafle, four major question we tend to ask ourselves in relationships iade:

“Does this person see me?

Do they care that I’m here?

Am I special to them?

Am I enough for them or are they asking me to be better in some way?”

If my partner has a different love language, they may be helping to provide positive answers to these questions in ways I don’t see. Or I may be giving positive answers to these questions in ways they don’t see."
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"According to psychology therapist Psychotherapist Katherine Schafle, four major question we tend to ask ourselves in relationships iade:

“Does this person see me?

Do they care that I’m here?

Am I special to them?

Am I enough for them or are they asking me to be better in some way?”

If my partner has a different love language, they may be helping to provide positive answers to these questions in ways I don’t see. Or I may be giving positive answers to these questions in ways they don’t see."
Precisely, Without understanding that we can have different languages, we may find ourselves hurt by what we feel are negative answers to these questions, but have trouble expressing why.
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